My Immigrant Identity Crisis

In November 2023 Ofir and I will mark ten years in Canada, ten years of being immigrants.

This reminds me how old I am, but also that the last time I posted here was when we marked eight years in Canada...Can you tell I've been busy?

What a journey it has been.

Being an immigrant is such a unique experience that can't be compared to anything else. It's unique because it's a never-ending, ever-evolving kind of journey, and looking back at previous years seems strange, funny, and crazy, all at the same time.

I landed here as someone who "just moved here from Israel", and with time I've evolved into someone who is "originally from Israel".

As time passed, my perception of myself and how it was reflected on the outside had changed, and starting a family made this whole definition thing even more complicated.

When we meet someone for the first time, we often want to ask where they are from, especially in Canada, THE country of immigrants, where in 2020 more than one-fifth of its population is born outside of the country. It helps us form an idea of who the person is, define them and sometimes even helps determine what to expect from them upon contact.

So after almost ten years here, I can't help but wonder, who am I?

This question can be difficult to answer for someone whose life circumstances took them away from their birthplace.

I'm Israeli,

but I'm also Canadian.

My roots are in Israel,

but I also have ones here.

My kids are Canadian,

but their parents will forever be Immigrants.

Israel is home,

but so is Canada.

I'm a badass Israeli at work,

but a polite Canadian when visiting my home country

I'm fluent in English (with the accent, God, the accent),

but Hebrew will always be my "better language".

I'm from there,

but I feel like I belong here now.

Identity crisis much?

My crisis used to be triggered by a feeling of disconnection from the people I am spending most of my time with, whether that was people through my work (who are not Israeli) or Israeli people who've lived in Canada for a long time.

With time, it happened less and less as I learned to live with my identities and walk freely in this world.

The crisis has become a gift, but it took me a long time to get there, and even now, I continue to shift between one identity to another, depending on the context, and it can be exhausting at times. I'm a Jewish-Israel-Canadian Lizard, who sometimes wished she was only one thing, or two, max.

But the immigrant identity crisis doesn't end with me. I can't help but think about what this will look like for my kids and how my identity will help shape theirs, but more importantly, if they'll experience a crisis.

My parents are both immigrants, but it wasn't until I became one myself (at the age of 29) when I realized what it was like for them and their families. They moved to Israel from Morocco and Iran at a fairly young age, so by the time they had me, they were fully rooted in the Israeli, which is why I never saw them as immigrants. To me they were always Israeli. Now that I look at life through an immigrant lens I finally understood how their identity was shaped by their experience, and how it helped shape mine. "I'm turning into my parents" moment happened shortly after I came to the realization above, but in a good way ;) I have kids now. I'm an immigrant and they're not. I'm just like my parents. I am an immigrant mother to two Canadian kids.

How do I teach them about our culture, roots, language and religion without making them feel different or confused?

How do we celebrate Hannukah with them but also mark Christmas without creating chaos?

How do I make sure they feel like they belong here but also stay connected to their 12-hrs-flight away roots?

We are lucky to have Eve and Tom speak Hebrew fluently (and be proud of it!), but what will this look like as they become teenagers? will they pull away from our language for example?

Will they experience a crisis? I'm not a fortune teller (yet. Working on getting my certificate), but I hope that whether this crisis comes or not, they'll learn from it like I did, and acknowledge how unique it makes them.