Mixed families are common in Canada. You oftentimes come across couples who are not from the same religion, especially now when the multi-ethnic population in Canada rises. The holidays are one of many examples of what makes such families so special, and our family is no different.
We might all share the same religion, but moving to Canada and having our kids born here had definitely made us a mixed family and have presented Ofir and me with a new challenge: The Holidays.
I mean, we had holidays before, but now we have both the Jewish AND non-Jewish ones to deal with. As a smart guy named Tui once said, "This tradition is our mission" (and Moana, there's so much to do), and when it comes to Judaism, our number one goal as parents is to make sure that our kids are familiar with all Jewish traditions and holidays and traditions and celebrate them. We have Shabbat dinner every Friday, light Shabbat candles, celebrate all High Holidays, and pride ourselves in becoming the non-official smallest branch of the center for Judaism in downtown Toronto, given that there's one Beth Habbad in this area and that's it (that's a joke of course).
However, since our kids don't live in a bubble (even though a bubble sounds like a really good idea for pandemic-days), they are constantly exposed to non-Jewish content all the time, holidays included.
They attend Canadian schools that mark "Orange Shirt Day" or "Black History Month", but since these are not Christian holidays but rather days that celebrate/mark historical events, there is no doubt about the value they give to my children.
But in their schools also celebrate Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's, and Easter, and when it comes to holidays, it's different.
The way I see it, they're linked directly to religion and identity, and this can be confusing at times, especially for children. So how do you find the balance between wanting to preserve their Jewish identity and traditions and allowing them to enjoy other non-Jewish holidays without making things too complicated for them? I'm glad you asked. I guess it varies from family to family and also depends very much on the kids' age and their ability to even wrap their heads around this thing that is called "Holidays" (aside from knowing that it's fun), but here's how we're tackling it. Eve is in SK (Senior Kindergarten) now, so unlike 21 months Tom who would finger paint on a piece of paper on which the teacher would then write "Happy Thanksgiving" (and we would all get so excited because look how talented my little boy is! and then immediately send this unique piece of art to recycling #badparents), Eve actually learns about the holidays and comes home with (way) too many questions and requests.
The other day she asked me if Santa will give her a present even if we don't celebrate Christmas. She also sent him a letter (he has a real address in Canada) and asked me how he will be able to enter our house if it doesn't have a chimney (through the door...duh).
And this is just one holiday.
Haven't the Jewish people suffered enough?
Given our 5 years of experience of having Eve in our lives, we now master the art of explaining the holidays to her, and we found that at least for now, the easiest way to do it is by having her understand that similar to how different people have different skin color, eye color or hair color, they can also have a different religion.
We are Jewish, and as such, we have Jewish traditions and holidays, that others do not necessarily share with us, and that's ok.
We are NOT all the same.
However, as Jews, we do not miss an opportunity to eat and have fun, and therefore we TAKE PART in celebrating other holidays that are not Jewish, with the understanding that these are not OUR holidays, but yet a reason to enjoy part of the Canadian culture. Confusing? maybe. Wait till you hear about how we celebrate the holidays (all holidays!) in our family.
In my next post.
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