Where are you from?
Well, it depends who's asking and where.
When someone in Toronto is asking me where I'm from it's pretty obvious that they want to know where I'm originally from, which is Israel. But when I leave Toronto and get asked that question, for some reason it has a different meaning. In that case the answer would be Toronto.
Funny how the context changes the answer.
But also time. Time has changed the answer as well as what I call home.
My brother got married soon after we moved to Toronto and so we went back home to celebrate his big day. At that time Toronto was where I lived, but it wasn't a home. Not yet.
I used sentences like "my family back home" and "I'm going home for my brother's wedding" to describe my actions. And it felt right.
Returning home felt like HOME. My room was still my room. The food in the fridge felt familiar. The house was warm and filled with people I love, like it's always been. And when this visit ended, we came back to Toronto. We didn't go home.
We were happy to return, but after only 7 months here we still felt like tourists in our own city. By the way, this feeling didn't go away completely. Even after 6 years here we still discover new things every day and get excited whenever something cool happens in town. Tourists, you know...
The shift happened on our next visit to Israel. Nothing big happened, but I noticed how I use different words to describe things. "Going home" has suddenly changed to "going to visit my family" or "flying to Israel". And returning here became "going back home". My house has become home and my hometown has become...still home, but now a home far away from home.
Glad I'm not paying mortgage for both!
This shift in how I see things was the stamp of approval. It meant that what we did was successful and unconsciously changed the way I looked at things and expressed them.
Looking back at my first here in Toronto, I remember feeling unconfident at work. Most people were real Canadians. Born and raised in Toronto. Being the immigrant was cool at times, but I mostly felt like I couldn't keep track of a lot of conversations. There were the Raptors and the Blue Jays, and when they didn't lose you could also hear about the Maple Leafs. People talked politics, education and health and all I knew was my SIN number the capital city of Canada.
But one day someone asked where a specific store is located downtown and I had the answer! ME! I finally was able to be a part of this, and it felt so good.
As the time passed I became more Torontonian. I gained more confidence, became more familiar with the city, the culture, everything. But no matter how Torontonian I became, the knowledge, memories and everything else that I 'brought' from my original home continued (and will continue) to be a big part of me. I guess it means that I'll forever have 2 homes, linked directly to the two parts of identity: The Israeli Liat, and the one who lives in Toronto. Or maybe it's just The Israeli Liat who now lives in Toronto? This is getting too complicated. All I'm trying to say is that now I feel like I belong here, but I also feel safe knowing that I have another home that will gladly take me back (right?) if I ever wish to go back. How many times did I use the word HOME in this post? too many? guess a number and get a chance to win...nothing.
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