Wanna know how to raise kids without the help of your family? take the following steps, not necessarily in that order.
Step 1: Have kids.
Step 2: Move to a different country (be sure to take the kids) This will ensure you never have your family's help available when needed :)
Boom. You keep a lot of things in mind when moving to a new country, but the one thing I unknowingly overlooked was the fact that we're gonna be raising our kids with zero help from our family. It wasn't too hard to overlook, because, well, we didn't have kids yet. Kids change everything, that we all know. But the majority of us have family around to support and help. They act as a lifeline in moments where you're sick or your child is. When you want to go on a vacation as a couple and be 'single' for a few days. When you want to get a good night sleep. Or to put this simply, when you need a break. Sometimes you 'use' them even without realizing how much they help. You go to visit them over the weekend and even though your kids are there with you, you're able to drink your coffee hot (what does this taste like? would love to hear from someone who knows!) And sit quietly for a few minutes without hearing Mommy/Mom/Mama/Imma 3,598 times. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids to bits, but I also love quiet once in a while, and even though they say that kids are a 24/7 job, most people with family close by get a 'cigarette break". Well, I don't. I'm not complaining. I mean, I am, but really there isn't much that I can do to change this except for moving back to Israel or moving my family here. Not sure which one is less challenging really.
I get asked a lot of questions, but related this subject this one always comes up:
How do you manage without help? I'll try to share my point of view and hopefully that will answer this question:
Paying for help is ok. If you can afford it, pay for it. It's not always expensive and can save you a lot of time (time is money, no?). Sometimes it's even free. Do online grocery shopping and have your food delivered to your door. Pay a cleaning lady once a month because let's face it, no one like to clean the bath and the microwave or dust the picture frames (yes, it's a thing). Get a babysitter even if it's just so that you can have sushi quietly across the street from your house. you don't have to go far.
Asking for help when needed is also ok. My family might not be around, but I have many friends that are like family and even though I don't like asking for help, I realize that sometimes asking is actually the hardest part. Receiving it is nice and most of the times easy for the other side. You might feel bad for adding another task to their plate, but for them it's an opportunity to show that they care, so it's a win-win situation.
Help comes in many forms. I sometime pretend to be doing something for my kids when really I'm just getting help for myself, I'll admit that. "Hey Eve's friend's mom, Eve keeps asking about your daughter, she reaaaaaaally misses her and wants to come over for a playdate. Like now. K see you soon, bye". And just like that, I got 2 hrs of help. The more creative you get, the better help you can get.
Be grateful for what you have and trust that you can handle (almost) everything yourself. You'd be surprised at how much you can do without help. All that to say that I manage, we manage, and we're fine.
Raising kids without family around is not the easiest, but have you ever tried to decide who to celebrate the holidays with? My side of the family? His? Who did we spend Passover last year with? Was is Rosh Ha'Shana of 2017 that we stayed home? or was it 1999?
Every. Single. Holiday.
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